TRANSCRIPTION

Jay Ruderman:

Welcome to All About Change. Now is a great time to check out my new book about activism, Find Your Fight. You can find your fight wherever you buy books and you can learn more about it at jruderman.com.

Today, my guest is Kalina Silverman. Kalina is a documentary journalist, entrepreneur, speaker, and creator of Big Talk, an award-winning viral media project that highlights meaningful conversations to foster empathy and human connection.

Over the years, people worldwide have shared how Big Talk transformed their lives, from reconnecting with estranged family members and finding love to opening up at work, overcoming depression, finding hope after experiencing loss, and discovering their true purpose. Inspired by this impact, Big Talk evolved into a global initiative to help people connect more openly and meaningfully.

Part of the Ruderman Family Foundation’s mission statement is we work to end the stigma surrounding mental health and promote emotional wellbeing for all, and Kalina is an ally in that project working on her own towards that same end.

Kalina Silverman, I’m so glad to have you as my guest on All About Change. I think that what you’ve done is so impactful in a world where we live in a lot of superficiality. You’ve been able to connect with people in a real way and that’s resonated, so I commend you for that. I’m really looking forward to this conversation.

Kalina Silverman:

Thanks so much. It’s an honor to be on your podcast. I’ve heard you speak to so many inspiring people, so it’s fun to just be here with you today.

Jay Ruderman:

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Kalina, we’re now four years out from the first COVID vaccine, and we lived in a time where we were particularly isolated. There was a tremendous amount of loneliness. What would you say about the state of loneliness right now in 2025?

Kalina Silverman:

I don’t think it’s changed too much. It seems like every year there’s another factor contributing to loneliness.

I have received the most messages from people who were suffering with loneliness before COVID. During COVID, I think people actually, if they were lucky, were able to shelter in place with people and actually have that face-to-face contact more often than not. I think now the new factor is AI, technology. It’s easier to ask the internet a question than call up someone and ask them a question. I try to stop myself from Googling the answer to everything so I can make sure I have a real conversation about it.

Jay Ruderman:

Yeah, so let’s talk about Big Talk because it’s become this worldwide phenomena. People really, really connected with it, and it’s expanded much beyond yourself. How do you explain that? How do you explain that this is an idea that you had to really cut through the small talk and really get to really what humanity is going through? What resonated with people?

Kalina Silverman:

I call Big Talk a grassroots global movement because it started off with a simple video of me walking up to strangers and skipping small talk. And then people would start messaging me and they’d say, “Hey Kalina, I want to join your Big Talk movement.” I never even thought of it that way. I thought it was just a YouTube video that I made in college.

And then people started reaching out and sharing examples of how they made big talk in their lives. I received a postcard from Thailand from a group of models who held a pizza party where they wrote down big talk questions and talked about it because they said the modeling industry is superficial. I had soldiers in Korea and Israel reaching out to me saying how the military is super rigid, and it’s hard to open up. And so they did big talk in the military. People in prison have written to me talking about how big talk was their solution to opening up about mental health struggles they were going through when they were in the psychiatric ward.

I think the reason it’s taken off as a movement is because it’s such a simple universally resonant idea. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, what you do, the idea of asking meaningful questions of yourself and others to connect and feel less alone is universal.

Jay Ruderman:

How did you do that breakthrough? How did you take yourself and say, “I’m going to talk to a stranger and I’m going to have a real conversation with that stranger,” when maybe that wasn’t so comfortable to do?

Kalina Silverman:

It was definitely nerve-racking at first.

I remember I was in Germany doing a project about the Holocaust, and I saw a question written on the Berlin Wall. It said, what do you want to do before you die, and that question immediately stirred something emotionally in me. I connected it to this name Big Talk, and that’s when I decided to try this experiment. I called it an experiment. I didn’t know what would happen. I would approach strangers and skip the small talk to ask them, what do you want to do before you die?

The first one was really awkward and I was super nervous, and then I kept walking up to people from all walks of life. It didn’t matter if it was a 90-year-old woman, an eight-year-old boy, a businessman in Beverly Hills, a homeless man in Venice Beach. I would ask them all this question and people would break down in tears. People would open up, and their faces would be glowing talking about their dreams in life. I saw how impactful a simple question and approach to conversation could be. That’s led me on this journey of 12 years to where I am today.

Jay Ruderman:

One of the brilliant insights that you’ve had is that people can become lonely in an instant, which I think that we don’t think. We think loneliness is something that builds up over time. People are locked away, and they’ve shut themselves away from the world for whatever reason.

Can you talk about an example of how you’ve talked to these people who are experiencing loneliness and loss and how that went and why that became such a viral moment?

Kalina Silverman:

I think I’ve learned over time that when you’re talking to people about seemingly difficult, taboo, dark, heavy subjects like grief and loss, depression, approach it like you’re their friend and don’t approach it like it’s something heavy. I talk to them with the same tone, something that’s optimistic and hopeful and friendly and conversational, and just hear them out. Just listen to them like you’re sitting with a friend over drinks chatting about anything, right?

And then that way people feel comfortable opening up as well. I think it leads to such profound effects of someone feeling truly heard, comfortable, seen. And then when other people witness these conversations, they too feel like they’re just sitting with a friend and hearing about it.

Hazel:

People, they don’t realize how blessed they are that they’re still here.

Kalina Silverman:

What was the most difficult time of your life, and how did you get through it?

Hazel:

Well, the difficult thing was having my young son… Well, he wasn’t all that young, but he was my baby still. He started getting sick. He was going to go into surgery. I said, “Jeffery, I will go downstairs and get something to eat, and I’ll be back up.” I got back up an hour and a half later, my son had died.

It was really hard for me to understand because he had been such a sweet person. He had never been in trouble. He was always trying to help other people, but I wanted to share this with you guys. Be kind. If you are not really out there really touching other people’s lives, it doesn’t make any difference. I get out here and dance every sunset, and God knows I make a lot of people happy, laugh, and whatever. I just do it. This is me. This is Hazel.

Jay Ruderman:

Do you keep in touch with the people that you’ve had these conversations with?

Kalina Silverman:

Oh, totally. Not every single one, but a lot of them.

I interviewed a woman who recently lost her husband just a few months after they were married. When they got married, they knew he was going to pass away of cancer. And then a few weeks later we met up to play music and jam in the park. I love how a big talk conversation can lead to a real meaningful connection.

That was the whole point of Big Talk. Sometimes it’s just about a one-off encounter that’ll change your perspective or maybe your life. Other times it can lead to a long-lasting friendship, or something else unexpected can come out of it, like an activity or a job opportunity. You never know. Hazel, she’s 89 years old now, and she dances at sunset to remember her son. Whenever I go on beach walks, I still see her there every night and she sees me and she goes, “Hey, baby girl.” We sit and we talk for a while.

Jay Ruderman:

Wow, that’s beautiful.

Do you ever feel like when you’re interviewing people that you open up yourself and you talk about yourself and what you’re going through? Are people able to give you insights and how to maybe see things from a different perspective?

Kalina Silverman:

That’s a great question.

I find when I’m doing these interviews, I don’t really talk too much about myself, but I do feel like each conversation is a mirror. I learn something and take away something profound. Every single conversation leaves behind some sort of life lesson. Maybe because I ask them, if you could share a message with the world or a lesson with the world, what would it be? But it’s always surprising, unexpected, and it doesn’t matter who it is and what they do in life.

Jay Ruderman:

I know that when I was listening to some of the questions, they struck me because when you ask someone like something like what’s the hardest thing that you’ve faced, and then you think about that yourself…

I thought about it myself, and I’m going through a time right now where my youngest is going through a really, really difficult time. It’s been going on for a couple of years. What are some other examples of some questions that you would ask someone that are real big talk questions?

Kalina Silverman:

I always ask people that question, what’s the most difficult experience you’ve been through? And then I ask, how did you get through it, or how are you moving through it?

I think a big aspect of Big Talk is providing a ray of hope no matter the situation. I ask people, what are you proud of in life? That really shows what people value? I ask, what do you want to do before you die, as I mentioned before. What’s a life lesson you would share with the world? Or if you could speak to everyone in the world, what would you say? I ask, what would your childhood self think about you today? What’s something someone might not know about you just by looking at you?

Sometimes I leave it at that. Sometimes it’s pretty cool because they’ll write to me days, weeks, years later and be like, “I finally have an answer to the question.” You know that just by asking it, you provided a spark of change or a catalyst of thought for them.

Or I’ll just move on to the next question, I’ll be like… Or I’ll rephrase it. Instead of what do you want to do before you die, what’s your current dream in life? That’s sometimes easier for people to wrap their head around, but it is really cool to see, you mentioned, people at different phases of life how they answer it. People in their early 20s, it’s a lot of times bucket list items like travel and do this and that. I still remember my professor when I was in college, I asked him and he just said, “Have more good days.” I did not understand at that time why he would say that when there’s so many other answers you could give. Now at the ripe old age of 31, I get it. I’m like, “I also just want to have more good days and live day by day.”

Jay Ruderman:

Which is really wise, but it’s hard because we get caught up in career. I mean, you have a career, you have the cards that you’ve released, you’re a book. You consult. You talk to people. You’re building a career over this idea of big talk, and sometimes you can get really involved in your career.

Do you ever feel like I’m swimming upstream, that we’re all rushing ahead and to make people stop and think about life is really, really difficult?

Kalina Silverman:

Absolutely. I think in the world we’re in or the industry we work in, we can feel that way if we don’t unplug.

For me, it comes down to something really simple like going surfing. I go in the ocean. I can’t be attached to technology. I’m just looking at blue. I’m just focused on the moment of surviving and catching a wave, just having things that ground you like that.

I’ll say this year especially one solution seriously is just to spend time in a small town that’s removed from all of this. I’ve been to towns in Kentucky and North Carolina and Texas sometimes covering disasters or for other projects for Big Talk. Just to see people living in a town and not caring about the outside world and just functioning as their own organism is a great way to remember that, yes, the world wants you to move really fast and technology and all that, but that all exists just within this technology world. But you can step outside of that and just touch earth and talk to people who are also salt of the earth people and feel connected again.

Jay Ruderman:

Talk a little bit about nature and why you think nature is important. Do you feel that some people are afraid of nature, it seems scary to them?

Kalina Silverman:

Yeah, nature actually is proven to combat loneliness even if you’re alone in nature, interestingly enough. You’re connected. Maybe because we are nature fundamentally once you get rid of all our air pods and everything else going on attached to us. Being in nature is so good for you because you are able to make big talk with yourself and connect with yourself.

Before Will Rogers burned in the fires, I used to go on Monday morning, walks through this one little eucalyptus grove for like 30 minutes. That’s when all my ideas would come rushing in. I would have to stop every 30 seconds to write something down that I came up with. I was able to hear myself, so I think nature is one of the most important ways to feel alone, to feel healthy and connected and grounded.

Jay Ruderman:

Kalina, talk a little bit about the book that you’re writing, which is going to come out, I understand, next year. What has the process been like, and what are you expecting from the book?

Kalina Silverman:

Yeah, so I wrote a book called Big Talk: How to Skip Small Talk, Make Meaningful Connections, and Enrich Your Life. Each chapter features a big talk conversation I’ve had with a once total stranger and then goes into a self-help chapter, like how to be more curious, how to be more approachable towards other people for conversation, how to navigate conversations across political divides.

I don’t know what I’m expecting from the outcome of the book. I’m hoping it just helps people. I hope in the same way that when I post videos, someone reaches out to me and says, “This helped me see things in a new way or inspired me to talk to someone or feel less lonely.” I hope the book does the same thing. I hope it’s just an extension of Big Talk that people can use as a guide in their own lives and take what they may from it.

We’ll see what happens. It’s my first time being an author.

Jay Ruderman:

Talk about a connection that you’ve had where people have reached out to you, through email or whatever, social media, and a couple of stories maybe that really just took you aback and said, “Wow, I can’t believe I’ve had this impact.”

Kalina Silverman:

The two that come to mind maybe just because they reached the most people.

One was a woman I met on the sidewalk who was 90 years old. I was just walking at sunset, met her, and I asked her what her secret to life was. Again, it was such a simple answer. It was like, move your body, well feed your body well, and rest your body well. I apply that body, and I also think of your mind, right? Move and feed and rest your mind well. Her words echo in my brain still.

And then I asked her what she wanted to do before she died and she said she couldn’t do it anymore, but it was to see the Northern Lights, the aurora borealis. Millions of people saw this very simple video, and people all over the world were reaching out and offering support. I had guides in Iceland and Finland saying, “I’ll take her to see the lights,” and people sharing their bucket lists and saying she inspired them to book a trip and finally do the things they wanted to do.

It was just so simple and profound to see how this woman who was just radiated light, 90 years old, had red lipstick on, made so many people feel inspired and also at peace with themselves. That was pretty cool.

And then the other example was the gentleman Walt Butler. He was the first person I interviewed following the LA fires. He had lived in Altadena, and that was before I knew Big Talk could make a financial impact in people’s lives. I just was watching the news. I was seeing the devastation from the fires. I felt so helpless and I wanted to do something. I went to school for broadcast journalism, but I took a different path to Big Talk. I saw these reporters out there and I was like, “I want to be there and I want to talk to people and help them,” because I don’t have skills as a Red Cross worker.

But I had my skills talking to people, and I met up with Walt Butler and sat with him for an hour and then edited it into a 90-second video and posted it. And within a week we had raised a million dollars for him, which is real financial impact. You can buy a house in some parts LA with that money, right? That was cool to see the world rallying behind a stranger because they saw a 90-second video of him breaking down, crying, and expressing emotion.

Jay Ruderman:

Do you think social media is by and large good or bad? What’s your view on your own social media?

Kalina Silverman:

On my own, it’s good. It gives me so much faith in humanity. When you read the news and you read the comments below, it’s easy to feel that icky, angry, devastated feeling about humanity.

But I’ll say maybe that’s because negativity amplifies so much more than positivity. There’s some stat, don’t quote me on it, the brain’s four times more likely to focus on negative, right? You could receive 10 compliments about your book, and then that one critique is the one that echoes in your mind over and over again.

I think people are inherently good if they’re provided with good to see. If they’re being fed something that’s dark or negative, then they’re going to respond to that and spiral. It’s really up to us creators and the people who are broadcasting news to do the right thing and show the good side of humanity to bring us together. But unfortunately, a lot of algorithms and businesses thrive off of negativity and pitting people against each other.

But I think it’s a fight. Maybe it’s an uphill battle, but I think it’s one that’s definitely worth fighting. When I see millions of people responding to a simple video in a positive way, it gives me a lot of hope.

Jay Ruderman:

Right.

I once interviewed Tyler Merritt, who’s an actor, and he’s an author. He’s written a couple books, and I asked him, I said, “How do you deal with all the negativity?” He’s like, “I don’t look at it.” He’s like, “I have someone I work with. He shows me all the positive stuff and none of the negative stuff because I can’t deal with the negative stuff. I don’t look at any of it.” I’ve heard many people in a position where they get a lot of feedback and they’re like, “I don’t look at the negative stuff.”

By the way, I believe what you say. The premise of my book is that people by and large are good. They believe that they want to do something against injustice, and I think that you have to have… If you believe in the good of humanity and you think that we’re here for a reason that you have to believe that there’s something good there and that people want to make the world a better place because I think the opposite is just such a depressing way to look at the world.

Kalina Silverman:

I agree with you. I think as long as you provide space for hope, hope will thrive and exists.

Jay Ruderman:

Kalina, I want to ask you about being a journalist and your background in journalism. You largely work outside the traditional news apparatus. How do you feel about our current media ecosystem that set up to connect people, but there are real blind spots? What’s your view of that?

Kalina Silverman:

I think there’s so much responsibility on journalists now, and some of them are just deferring to what the news outlets or the stakeholders want or need to fund them.

But I think it really falls on the individual to tell the truth, and I think that’s what people are looking to now. A lot of people don’t trust institutions as much, but they trust individuals, which is the rise of the creator or the influencer or the media personality or the author, right? You have to be really discerning now. It’s so easy to just see a headline.

A lot of them are so sensationalist. It’s so frustrating to read these sensationalist awful headlines from reputable organizations. I think it comes down to just finding individuals that you trust.

Yeah, I studied journalism, then I think I did get a little jaded. And then started Big Talk because in the end I think what I trust most is just face-to-face interactions with real people and just being on the ground rather than trying to decipher what everyone wants you to think.

Jay Ruderman:

Yeah, but I do believe in what you said that people resonate with personalities. Sometimes going back to my kids, they’ll say, “Oh, I could do that.” I’ll be like, “Yeah, you could, but don’t discount what people do.” Because the people who are successful, no matter what they do, whether they’re in sports or they’re in business, or even if they’re a media personality on YouTube or TikTok or whatever, they have something that’s attracting people to them. They have a way of putting their message across. They’re either funny or they’re talented in how they speak, or there’s attracting people to them.

I guess the older I get, the more respect I have for what people do because people find a way to find their success. I think that that’s something that you’ve done. You’ve been able to find your success probably in a way that you never thought would be your path in life.

Kalina Silverman:

Right, and it’s not easy. I think a message to the young adults of today, you might see someone on social media and think, “Oh, they’re so lucky. Their job is so easy. They just post a few videos and they make millions of dollars.” That might be a few people, like the top .0001%, but it’s a grind and it takes so much thought and hard work and failure and embarrassment and side gigs and side hustles, at least speaking from personal experience.

It’s been 12 years to get to this point, and it’s been a lot of moments of uncertainty and fear and sometimes shame that I’m not making as much money as my friends who have normal jobs, right? But as long as you follow your passion inherently in your gut and your heart that it’s right and it feels good and you think it’s making an impact, you will keep going and you’ll figure it out.

Jay Ruderman:

You recently lost funds for a Big Talk program because of federal budget cuts. Do you have a worry that people-first work is being unappreciated by people who are at the levers of power?

Kalina Silverman:

At times. I think it’s not as easy as selling a physical product that everyone needs, but everyone does need human connection. Funds exist. They just come from different places, and you have to get creative and scrappy about it.

Yes, I used to have a grant from the State Department, and now that’s gone because as we know, a lot of things were cut in the government in the past year. But now I have some brands funding some of the work I do. You just have to always be mindful that the opportunities are there, but you have to look from different angles and different means to find them and to keep going.

Jay Ruderman:

You really have to become an entrepreneur. You have to constantly think about where is my funding coming from, who am I going to be able to connect to, who resonates with what I’m doing and can help their initiative in addition to what I’m doing.

Kalina Silverman:

Yes, but I also think people find me, and that’s the great thing about being public-facing and putting your work out there. The right people will connect with you. It’ll happen organically, spontaneously, and it’ll be right because they found you and they connected with you and reached out.

I know as long as I keep doing what I’m doing the opportunities will come, and they come in unexpected ways. A lot of times if I’m sitting down and brainstorming about how to fund myself or make money, it doesn’t really happen. But then something random, I interviewed a hospice nurse for Big Talk, and she had a book coming out. And then she was like, “Let me connect you to my agent,” and now here I am two years later with a book deal and a book coming out because I just reached out to a woman on Instagram who I resonated with because she told stories about love and loss and grief and how to navigate death. Who would’ve known?

Jay Ruderman:

Yeah, it’s funny how the world works that way.

Kalina Silverman:

Yeah.

Jay Ruderman:

How do people reach you? How do you like to be reached, and are there certain types of social media that you like better than others?

Kalina Silverman:

Instagram is definitely my favorite platform, and I have my personal Instagram just @kalinasilverman, and then my Big Talk one, which is @makebigtalk. You can really reach me by just sending me a direct message on Instagram. I like Instagram because then you see what someone’s about as well when they’re reaching out to you. You know who they are in a nutshell, and it’s easier to converse than a cold email, for example.

You can also email me kalina@makebigtalk.com, but feel free to just send me a direct message on Instagram if you want to get connected. I check it every day.

Jay Ruderman:

Right.

Well, Kalina, first of all, I want to thank you for being my guest on All About Change. You’ve changed the lives of so many people. Your idea is on the one hand very simple, but you found it and you made it something. That’s not easy. As you said, you put in a lot of years to get to this point. You have my respect for that because I know how difficult it is to work on something, and it takes a long time.

I wish you a lot of luck on your upcoming book and everything else that you’re doing with your consulting and the cards and everything. I think you’re going to touch so many lives. In some ways, that’s a lot more fulfilling than having a job where maybe your friends are making a lot of money doing something that they may not enjoy so much. Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you, and I wish that you’ll go from strength to strength.

Kalina Silverman:

Thank you. I appreciate your commitment to amplifying voices of change and activism because we need more of that. Everyone, if you have an idea and you want to help the world, stick to it. We need more of you.

Jay Ruderman:

Thank you for being part of the All About Change community. We aim to spark ideas for personal activism, helping you find your pathway to action beyond awareness. Thank you for investing your time with us, learning and thinking about how just one person can make the choice to build a community and improve our world. I believe in the power of informed people like you to drive real change, and I know that what we explore today will be a tool for you in that effort.

All right, I’ll see you in two weeks for our next conversation, but just one small ask: please hit subscribe and leave us a comment below. It lets us know that you value this content, and it supports our mission to widely share these perspectives. If you’re looking for more inspiration, check out this next video. I chose it for you, and I know you’re going to enjoy it.

I’m Jay Ruderman. Let’s continue working towards meaningful change together.

Today’s episode was produced by Tani Levitt and Mijon Zulu. To check out more episodes or to learn more about the show, you can visit our website Allaboutchangepodcast.com. If you like our show, spread the word, tell a friend or family member, or leave us a review on your favorite podcasting app. We really appreciate it. All About Change is produced by the Ruderman Family Foundation.